a eulogy for cody

   Hi i’m Tanner and Cody was my best good buddy. It feels like only a small time ago that I was up here in the Okanagan standing on a stage, on a chair speaking about the man Cody was for his wedding. Today I am not going to stand on a chair, not because I don’t feel he deserves but truthfully I worry I might break the chair *smack belly*. Today is a celebration of the life Cody lived and although I am sure I am either already crying or will cry excessively I am going to try and keep it more light hearted and happy, as much as is possible. 

 Loss makes us all think about our own life, what are we leaving behind, what is our legacy, what have we not been able to do. I find comfort in knowing Cody lived a very full life. His legacy is more than his four beautiful girls and the life he was able to start for his family but also a legacy of fun unabashed, sometimes debaucherous good times. Cody left many memories on my life that I will eternally carry with me some of them physically in our late night slap offs, but most of them carved in the permanent smile that was on our faces growing up. Whether it was countless afternoons at Seans playing super smash, endless nights at Collen and Roxes playing rock band late into the night, or belting shinedown tunes in the 98 Accord. Cody recognized that success in life wasn’t defined by the stuff you had but the experiences you had acquired. He was never one to shy away from a weekend away snowboarding, camping or a good old fashioned house party, of which there was many. Sorry Colleen and Rox, I promise none of those scuffs on the pool table were me. But Cody was studious as well. He spent time as an early adult studying robotic engineering at SFU for countless hours, only stopping to wreck some noobs as only Malgor Defender of the Alliance could. Later in life sitting in his crane he would also do some studying, though this time he would go down rabbit holes I can only define as conspiracy theories, I’m sorry buddy but Bill Gates has not yet revealed his lizard person lineage… 

 It feels weird to talk about privilege when remembering a friend, but to say I am privileged is an understatement. I was and am lucky enough to have called Cody my best friend for 22 years. From the first days meeting in computer science class in grade 8 to constantly getting beat in sparring at Taekwondo because of those crazy long gangly legs. I am privileged to have a friend who would call me almost daily just to talk about nothing and everything. I am privileged to have a friend who let me rent a room in his house and live and grow up with his family, even if I wasn’t the best of roommates sometimes, Sorry Tams, I did try and keep it down. I am privileged to have played many rounds of golf with you where wither one of us would shoot well into the 100’s and have to talk each other down from the ‘I am never playing this stupid freaking game again’ yells out to the green. I am privileged to have gotten to stand beside you as you married the love of your life in the freezing cold of a snowy blizzard.

Although I will never be the man you were. I do like to think you played a big part in shaping the man I am today.

I don’t say no to new opportunities, sometimes he would say I take this too literally, another beer is a not a new opportunity Tanner. 

I love despite a difference or grudge that I might be holding. Although I still haven’t found the one I think he would find joy in the amount of trying. 

I am myself and I don’t let others affect what I want to do or be. I grew this big moustache despite the countless jokes of ‘how far from a school are we right now’

I care endlessly for my friends. I guess this wasn’t to mean I am always down to party but Cody was always down to party, so I’ll leave it in. 

I am an avid defender of the alliance even to this day. Bozieas and Swiftbear will continue to fight the horde in Malgors name. 

And I never will forget where I came from and how I got here. 

Cody instilled many more lessons upon me, lots not made for great halls and celebrations of life but more for social circles with a beer. 

I had been writing this speech for sometime now and I never got to how to finish it. I would always end up crying too much and then move on to something else or just add more notes that weren’t a finisher but I think I found it this morning.  The following is from Robert Jordans fantasy series a Wheel of Time, a series both Cody and I loved very much.

“I'm a gambler, a farmboy, and I'm here to take command of your bloody army!

oh sorry I am not Mat Cauthon shouting a charge in battle. This is the right one. 

“We rode on the winds of the rising storm,

We ran to the sounds of the thunder.

We danced among the lightning bolts,

and tore the world asunder.”

Cody i’ll love you always and forever brother. Until we meet again. 

Cody

Cody

    There is a time where you stop focusing on anything with your eyes, and the world goes all fuzzy. Those brief moments where you step outside the world, where your thoughts can somewhat seem like reality because they both share the same haze. Then in one blink, you’re back. I can still see you in those moments. It makes reality tough to come back to.

On November 14th, I lost my best good buddy, Cody Fisher. I remember I had just arrived in Calgary for a weekend of work and I received a call from Cody. Only it was his wife and sister giving us news that no wife and sister should ever have to give. For three and a half months, I’ve felt stuck in that moment after the blink—bleak and unreal. There are joys in life, little moments where you forget. Not about him, but that he isn’t a call away. It feels selfish being this sad while others are so much more affected than me. It feels selfish to be this sad when others are grieving even more. Yet, I lost one of the greatest friends, the brother I never had, and a role model. But he left four kids and a loving wife without one of the greatest dads there ever was and a father, mother, and sisters with only the memories of a son and brother. I feel angry because I don’t understand how the guy who cared more than most about what he put into his body was the one we had to bury. I feel lost trying to imagine the reasoning in faith. Why would a God need my best friend and leave behind this disaster? Did he need a best friend? Something really heavy lifted? Or maybe he was very confused about Bitcoin. There are so many random moments that these feelings come to surface, and the only feeling of respite I find is that the pain I feel today is the profound love and effect he had on my and others life.

During the week leading up to Cody’s funeral, I tried to look for reasoning or solace in the pain I and others were feeling. It brought me also to the reflection on the time I am honored to have spent with Cody. The nights spent slaying Shinedown songs in his Accord at the top of our lungs. The multiple ‘man-off’ competitions to see who would cave first. Nights where he would come out butt naked from his room while I was falling asleep on his and Bryan’s couch. The countless hours spent inside World of Warcraft defending the Alliance as only Malgor knew how. The long chats during a drunken day as his golf partner. Standing beside him as his best man as he married the girl of his dreams. Watching him become a father for the first time. The weekly phone calls, just shooting the shit or talking about how crazy the world was. So many moments, so many pieces of these moments are integral building blocks to the person I am today. I remember when people questioned Cody’s success in life as ‘right place, right time,’ well, when we were partying on Halloween in our early 20s, Cody was out in Saskatchewan lifting heavy things because success happens when you say ‘yes, I can,’ not ‘no, I can’t.’

All these moments, all these words, and all the lessons and advice, I carry these with me everywhere I go. It’s crazy how much Cody comes up in my life, whether it’s telling a story or remembering where I learned something. On the night before we laid Cody to rest, Tamra asked a few of us if we would like to write a small letter that would be laid with Cody. So I find comfort and solace in knowing that I will always carry with me and spread the words and lessons that Cody gave me, and Cody will eternally carry with him the words that I gave him.

Cody, this one’s just for you, pal. I miss you so much. I’m doing what I can to look after your girls. I played Mario Kart with them, and man, that was awkward running upstairs crying after. Your family is so great and so strong. They’re in good hands. I love you, bro. Until we see each other again.

 

Tink Positive!

 

    Hello to all those who have made it through the insanity that has been 2020. Last we talked I was working on creating a new ‘norm’ in the midst of our first lockdown. I think I may have been really on to something with that virtual bar/diner and also may have had a couple on the house when trying to use Word’s speech to text function; back to good old typing for this one. Lots has happened since April in my life, well mostly work life, I got a new job back in the corporate kitchen world. I learning lots about myself and being more vulnerable in my development and have made some big strides. But mostly I am working on happiness and positivity. Things people find difficult enough normally around this holiday season, but have become ever more difficult in the midst of a global pandemic.

At the beginning of November I had five days of work I needed to take off so that I could use all my vacation days before our ‘busy season’ hit. For the most part I am very involved person with work. I struggle to separate work and my personal life and constantly find myself reading and replying to emails or calls when I off work hours. Well business was as usual for the first three of my five days off, I was still reading and replying to emails as well as tackling some work that I had been putting off. But for the final two days I completely removed myself from work and disconnected. What I came back to was only two days of emails but the theme and vibe was missing something. Not a single email was positive, and this wasn’t to say they were negative but not a single email or communication included any form of recognition or praise. Now I am in no way saying this is something that only develops when I am away but rather my disconnection allowed me the vision to the whole that was missing in the way we managed our and furthermore our life.

The week this all occurred for me was just after our province implemented further Covid measures to try and slow the growth of our numbers. That in turn brought about some of the most crippling sales we had seen since the beginning of the pandemic. So what I returned to was grim. We needed to cut our forecasts by a quarter and in turn the hours for our staff as well. So my view came to this. We have people who are losing the bulk of their income as we approach what is the financially stressful time of the year and the options in our industry for more work look vaguely like what I imagine it must have looked like for Video store rental staff as they saw Netflix destroy their industry. Quick point of clarification, I am not trying to blame the covid measures for the fall of our industry. Safety First! The Cherry on top, the people managing them through this time completely forgot to stop and appreciate but rather asked for more, albeit in an effort to preserve their jobs for the future. So what is the answer and solution?

If you have ever worked with me you will surely have heard me say, “Attitude is influential.” If I being a positive person insert myself into a scenario and exert my positive attitude it stands to reason that the people around me will be more positive, the same for the opposite. But the reality is this isn’t just occurring in my industry and it’s not just occurring in work, it is occurring in everyday life and I am only one person. Life is harder than it was a year ago, people are struggling in new ways and they may not be showing it. To be honest I don’t have the answers or solutions, but I like to think I am pretty good at making people smile or at the very least making the shitty things less so. 

So with all that, I have a request of all those that read this. During this holiday season, and for that matter it’s just good practise, before you approach any kind of communication whether is an email, phone call, zoom call or the ever more rare in person meeting. Please bring up something positive, thank them for being them, acknowledge the success they still managed amongst this chaos, tell them you really like their new covid style. Whatever it may be I promise not only will it brighten that individuals day, whether they need it or not, but it will bring you joy and that will bring positivity. 

I remember earlier this year, in the pre covid times, I sat down down to write a post because I was stressing about a food critic coming to the restaurant. What I wrote about was something someone used to say to me, “Life sucks, then you die.” I find when things are difficult I reflect on this and it helps. Life does suck, and yes I will die. With all that out of the way look at all the positivity we have left! You are surviving in one of the worst global pandemics and are coming out a stronger person, people love you, you’re probably better at baking, you saved money on travelling this year, and you probably got to do some of those things at home you were putting off. If all that is not enough then know that despite how hard and overbearing it may seem I can guarantee that with you in it the world is a better place and people are better because of you!

As my late Auntie Roef would say, ‘Tink Positive’

Love Tanner

Auntie Karina, I miss you endlessly and if there was ever person that personified positivity, it was you. The world could use your outlook right now!